Taking the perspective of feminist philosophy and feminist legal scholarship, this article discusses the idea of sexual self-determination on which the Finnish rape law is currently built. A transition from coercion-based model of criminalization to consent-based model of criminalization of rape is expected to take place also in Finland. Such a transition from one model to another calls for a discussion of the discourses of freedom and moral autonomy inherent in these models. Responding to that call, the article draws on a variety of sources, from travaux préparatoires and case law to influential philosophers, in order to elucidate current understandings of sexual self-determination. With the view of a possible redefinition of the foundations of rape law, the article introduces and discusses Luce Irigaray’s notions of sexual difference, love and wonder. Finally, the article develops an Irigarayan inspired three A’s approach – prohibition of assimilation, assumption and appropriation – in order to open a way towards new ethics of sexual self-determination.