While women consider their same-sex
relationships very rewarding, paradoxically their relationships at the
same time are more likely to fall apart than heterosexual ones. How do
satisfying lesbian relationships end up eroding to the point of
break-up? I seek to answer that question through an autobiographical
self-study of my own lesbian relationship, from its beginnings to its
termination five years later. I make use of the concept of affective
resonance (Mühlhoff 2015) to make a resonative reading of my diary
entries. This allows me to map the ways in which the affective resonance
between my partner and me lost amplitude when problems with health and
finances emerged, as well as due to haunting past intimate
relationships. Over time, the problems both created and deepened
affective inequalities between us, which in turn adversely affected our
sexual relationship. I argue that mapping the fluctuation of affective
resonances helps us to better understand the relationship dynamics and
challenges that any intimate relationship may face.

In this chapter, the author argues that mapping
the fluctuation of affective resonances helps her to better understand
the relationship dynamics and challenges that any intimate relationship
may face. It introduces the method of self-study and explicates author
to take on affect studies before starting author search for answers to
that question. She seeks to answer that question through an
autobiographical self-study of her own lesbian relationship, from its
beginnings to its termination five years later. The chapter suggests
that a resonative reading of diary entries allows to notice that in a
relationship 'apparently everything happens, even when nothing
remarkable happens'. It focuses on affective inequalities, those created
and maintained because of how one is affected while being in a
resonative relationship. The improved emotional communication had an
immediate positive effect on the quality of our affective resonance in
sexual terms as well.